304: [HT Special] Epitome Anatomy: Siblings - The Untangling of the Yarn
JC Ronquillo & Wish Ronquillo Peacocke
SPECIAL EPISODE SUMMARY:
"I really think family, siblings, you got to start with actually knowing them in a deep sense because, without that, they're just a stranger, just a friend. There's that level of, yeah, you can be familiar with your friends more than your siblings. But there's that thing I can't point to it. There's just that thing of knowing a familiarity that's unique to siblings." - JC.
Welcome to Human Thesaurus EPITOME ANATOMY. This time, we tackle a word or several keywords that affect our lives to shape, distort, attract, dispel, and meditate, among other facets of human emotions and observations.
In this episode, our keyword is SIBLINGS. It is a plural noun which means brothers or sisters. Its anthropology or origin came from the root word sib, which means relative or related by blood, according to dictionary.com.
I will have a heart-to-heart conversation about our sibling perspectives with my returning guest, my brother JC. We will lay them out based on our experiences and why our apparent sibling accounts motivate him to do better.
Listen to the Episode
MAIN TOPICS:
00:00 - Episode intro
02:36 - JC's synonyms for siblings
03:00 - Family nostalgia
04:53 - JC's sibling dynamics in a nutshell
16:14 - Wish unpacks sibling dynamics
19:19 - Baby brother perspective
25:08 - JC's "Sister Mother"
27:01 - The Filipino word "tambay"
31:06 - Sister no. 2
39:17 - Do I perpetually judge them all the time?
41:22 - Going back to sister no. 2
43:01 - Sister no. 3
56:56 - Difference between no. 2 vs no. 3
59:40 - Baby brother privileges
1:00:48 - Untangling a 1km yarn
1:07:34 - Niece: the extra
1:09:04 - The future of these siblings
1:11:56 - JC's philosophies
1:17:26 - JC & Wish's major keywords from this convo
1:19:04 - Subject openness
1:20:47 - Wish's wrap-up & outro
FEATURED WORDS:
SIBLINGS /ˈsɪb.lɪŋs/ (n.): (1) a brother or sister. (2) Anthropology. a comember of a sib, a unilateral descent group thought to share kinship through a common ancestor.
JC relates SIBLINGS to words: drama (n.), hatred (n) love (n.)
Essential words from this episode: bond (n.), affinity (adj.), character (n.)
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
QUOTABLE QUOTES
"It's like fighting someone to death, you're already laying down your life before you even consider winning or losing."
"Well, what I want from her is just like, yeah, let's just get into the nitty gritty, the cringy, maybe even the disgusting. I want to know and I'll tell you my disgusting parts of me, I don't really mind."
"I guess that's like one of the fundamentals of trust. It's like you give and take but don't think about it. You just do, and then it just balances out, out of goodwill." "
If trust is, like, in its full, it's in the mature, in its mature state, you never really think about you're giving the same amount as you're taking because it just comes out naturally." "
Most likely that people are just dealing with their own insecurities themselves, they're judging themselves more than other people."
"Family is more than just the highs and lows, it's also the familiarity with each other on who we really are to each other as a family."
"But I think there's a foundation somewhere that you have to build for you to have a very good core in your relationship that you can go through life together."
"I believe in the saying, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."
"Pride should come from principle. Pride should come from your own values, right? Not from victory, not from the results. Pride shouldn't come from results. Pride shouldn't come from winning. Pride shouldn't come from what you own. Pride should just come from your principles, like following your principles, not betraying your principles and following and not betraying your values. That's where pride should always come from."
"What separates us from animals is principles and values, like following it and believing in it. And as for some people, it comes from religion. For me, it comes from actual, my pride, my principles, values, what I learn, what I take in from other people and learning from them. And I really believe that your principles, your values is your soul. And that's what separates us from animals. Because once you betray and lie to yourself about your principles and values, you're no more than an animal."
" I really think family, siblings, you got to start with actually knowing them in a deep sense, because without that, they're just a stranger, just a friend. There's that level of, yeah, you can be familiar with your friends more than your siblings. But there's that thing I can't point to it. There's just that thing of knowing a familiarity that's unique to siblings."
"I just think that siblings, your siblings, they're the same as you. You are an individual, you are human, and they're individuals too, with different passions, beliefs. You may be raised the same, but that doesn't mean you can expect they will be an extension of you. They're not. They're their own. And you're your own person."
"You try your best to understand each human and mesh with them in the best way that you can. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work."
"I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at." - Maya Angelou
REFERENCES FROM TODAY'S CONVERSATION
SOME FILIPINO WORDS:
___
Tabon (our hometown)
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Wish 00:00:07
Welcome to Human Thesaurus Epitome Anatomy. This time, we tackle a word or several keywords that affect our lives to shape, distort, attract, dispel, and meditate, among other facets of human emotions and observations. It's really my experiment to explore more about humanity when it comes to words that we love or dislike. In this episode, our keyword is siblings. It's a plural noun which means brothers or sisters. Its anthropology or origin came from the root word SIB, which means relative or related by blood, according to dictionary.com. I will have a heart-to-heart conversation about our sibling perspectives with my returning guest, my brother JC. We will lay them out based on our experiences and why our apparent sibling accounts motivate him to do better. This is an exciting additional format for me, so please bear with me while I experiment. And please let me know if it's going to be working so we can do this more. Before we begin, I will just want to leave a disclaimer that this episode represents individual experiences and personal views. If you find our conversation sensitive or opposed to your own views, please remember that we are all uniquely ourselves. Nothing is intended to personally attack or cancel anyone by expressing our own opinions to matters of life. So this is an exciting additional format, and I am bringing back my brother as my magnificent guinea pig, JC Ronquillo. He recently graduated from Mapua University in the Philippines, where he finished, finally, Bachelor of Arts in Digital Film and is freshly working in film production as an editor. My synonyms for JC in relation to our keyword sibling for today would be brother as a noun, loving as a verb, unwavering as an adjective. So let's welcome my brother, JC Ronquillo.
JC 00:02:36
Hello. My name is JC. The keyword is sibling, and it relates to the words drama, hatred, and love. Oh, my God.
Wish 00:02:54
Wow. That's like jam-packed.
JC 00:02:58
It's a foreshadowing.
Wish 00:03:00
Yeah, it is, isn't it? I'm loving this format now. As simple as that, right? Because really, they're just words, but it's so loaded and we can unpack them one by one. So, being together, being very close as siblings, you and I, I feel fortunate that we have 17 years of gap. I'm still very grateful because I think that even though when you were younger, I can always talk to you. And sometimes, of course, I wouldn't really underestimate that you may not understand. I always have this belief that you will understand, or you do understand, even when you were really, really super young. It's really crazy. It's just a bond. And remember today, I sent you a photo of me, a 17 year old me, holding you as baby. Have you seen that before, that photo?
JC 00:04:05
Yeah, I've seen that. I remember that the actual photo.
Wish 00:04:09
Really?
JC 00:04:10
One of the albums?
Wish 00:04:12
Yeah. I'm so glad to have that. I was rummaging through my stuff and yeah, I just found that one. And I felt that oh, my gosh, that's so special. Those were the time that I really made a pact with you. Even you were an infant that I'm going to protect you forever. But anyway, I'm going to ask you some questions. You can ask me some questions. This is a conversation about sibling and R because there's four of us. We have our eldest sister and then me, and then a younger sister. And then you came after 13 years.
JC 00:04:52
Yes.
Wish 00:04:53
So, yeah, we're going to discuss about the ups and downs and everything else, and then we'll see where we're going to end up with. But I will always call this like it's our siblings vortex because it's quite complicated. I don't know if it's even complicated. How can you describe everything as a whole? Like, if you take a look at the moment, like, simplify it as a whole, what you see about the entire dynamics so far in our entire lives, about all of us.
JC 00:05:27
Yeah. It's a very confusing well, many decades long history of our family. Of course, I'm the person with the smallest perspective here. I experienced it the least. Right. In the matter of 26 years now. Well, given that I didn't have a perspective when I was, like, one to three years old yeah. If I can condense it into a simple in a simple way, yeah. I would think it's just in in the sibling side. Misguided, I think. I'm saying I think because of course my perspective is not full.
Wish 00:06:16
Right.
JC 00:06:17
Of course. And when I came in, it's like everybody's old and older, leaving older, and both of our sisters are starting to have families.
Wish 00:06:33
Right. Oh, my gosh. Yes.
JC 00:06:36
My house life was kind of void with the sibling life, right. Most of it. You're literally my sibling life.
Wish 00:06:44
Really?
JC 00:06:46
Yeah. Well, I have one with at a gem, like a few years. That's not really a lot.
Wish 00:06:52
Yeah.
JC 00:06:54
On our parents side. Yeah. I guess everybody's just trying to figure shit out. And whenever I tell my friends about the stories about the family, they all say the same thing. It's like when I came in, everybody figured out their shit, how to deal with me.
Wish 00:07:14
Not necessarily, but.
JC 00:07:19
Comparison. Right? Yeah.
Wish 00:07:21
That's okay. This is very interesting. What I love is always picking your brains on your perspective because, like what you said, everybody seems to be a little bit more established, more adulty when you came to our lives. But it's just interesting because I always see you as an old soul. So your perspective being a newbie, it's a third-person perspective. Like, you're seeing us the way we probably may not be perceiving ourselves. So that's why I wanted to pick more of your brains about all of these. Right. I mean, what I love is that what I appreciate is that you're now 26. Our conversations are getting more and more heftier, let's say more meaningful. It's always meaningful. It's just that there's more opinions and perspectives and let's say convictions coming from yourself all the more now. So let's unpack this a little bit more. What can you remember about us growing up as individuals? And by the way, for the listeners, ate. And the name Ate means older sister, so if you hear that a lot from JC, then that's what it meant. So, yes, please.
JC 00:08:49
I'll start with the easy one Ate Gem. It's the easiest one because yeah, she was just a delinquent. Like yeah, I mean, right. She's, like, in conflict with mom, in conflict with dad, in conflict with Jackie, in conflict with you. We kind of had, like, a fight. Like, I remember a short fight. She took the computer, like, way a bit too long for me because that's, like, the worst fight I had with her. But it was very tame, and it happened. I only knew this a handful of times. Not really that bad. Well, growing this is like growing up and then you yeah. Because mom always sells you up. I don't think I told you this before. When mom talks about you, she doesn't really talk about bad light to me. She always tells me that you were smart.
Wish 00:09:53
Really?
JC 00:09:54
Yeah. You're actually working. Because, of course, at that time, those two weren't really working.
Wish 00:10:01
Oh, come on.
JC 00:10:02
Yeah. Oh no. This is just gonna be me dissing them.
Wish 00:10:08
No, maybe you were being real here.
JC 00:10:11
Yeah. At that time. Yeah. I'm just saying how it was. Yeah. You were the worker. You had money. All my perspective to you came from mom at that time. And she always excels you up high ball worth. That's why the first few years, when you started talking to me closer when mom died. Right.
Wish 00:10:40
Yeah.
JC 00:10:40
I was shy. Because you were, like, a different type of person right. Than usual in Tabon. Of course.
Wish 00:10:48
Yeah. Because you practically didn't really grow up with me around when you were born. I started college. I'm always not around. And then I can only watch after you during the weekends, if I am at home during the weekends, because sometimes we have Saturday and Sunday classes, too. And then I started working, too, and then I left. Right. Yeah, right.
JC 00:11:17
And then, of course, the most complex one, Jackie yeah, of course. First form. Yeah. She was a delinquent. I've heard the stories, stuff like that. Misguided heart, I guess, and misguided in life. I just really think that she just has wrong priorities.
Wish 00:11:42
Yeah.
JC 00:11:44
At that time, younger, I just see her as a confusing person in front of me as a kid. I always see her fighting with mom, dad, and then as I get older, my perspective to her yeah. It's like I'm growing older than her in a fast rate. Every year since I went to Manila, my perspective is heading more into understanding why she's like that, that she's just unguided, and she's trying to approach life in her own self righteousness I guess, in what she thinks is right, which is I did. I think that's how I can put it.
Wish 00:12:34
Yeah, but when you were young right. Do you feel like you're more on your own with your friends or at home? You're really with mom all the time, but what was your perspective about having sisters? What did it give you at that time?
JC 00:12:54
When I'm with them, when you're with me, you give me full attention. When Jem is with me, she gives me full attention. When Jackie's with me, she gives me full attention. It was very comfy, actually. It was very comfortable. Even if I think them Ate Jem was a delinquent at the time. Jackie was like a confusing iyakin (oversensitive), stuff like that at the time. And then, I guess you were mostly absent right at the time. But when you guys were with me, you put all of your attention to me, and I would actually talk to you guys with my full attention as well.
Wish 00:13:43
You were a good boy.
JC 00:13:44
Yeah. But on you, though, I was a bit shy because I didn't get to see you that much at the time.
Wish 00:13:52
Yeah, you didn't really know me that much. That's right. And you're really like mom all the time.
JC 00:14:01
Yeah. See, Mommy?
Wish 00:14:03
So okay. At that time we're just talking about that. When you were young, what did you like about each of us? In the simplest mode,
JC 00:14:15
Ate Jem was... I guess, at the time, she was fun to be around because I think she was just a kid as well. Yeah, she was a kid when I was a kid. She was the only kid I can actually realistically play with as a stranger in her age. Yeah. I'm the saling pusa (litter of the pack) because I'm the kid. And then they're like the teenagers playing.
Wish 00:14:44
Yeah.
JC 00:14:45
She was the funnest one to be around. Yeah, she was fun. Not the funnest. She was fun to be around because she was kid stuff.
Wish 00:14:58
Yes.
JC 00:14:58
Jackie was as misguided as she was. She was very caring.
Wish 00:15:05
Yes.
JC 00:15:06
But of course, I was always worried what comes after that, right. Yeah. It's just like what comes out after.
Wish 00:15:16
Yeah.
JC 00:15:17
And then you yeah. My perspective on you is what mom told me.
Wish 00:15:23
Yeah. Yeah.
JC 00:15:26
You were intelligent. It's pretty much I can't say anything much now. I'm remembering that. Remember when you talked me out to...
Wish 00:15:40
Enchanted Kingdom? Yeah.
JC 00:15:40
And then you took me to your apartment condo. Forgot, like, building. How many days was I with you at that time?
Wish 00:15:51
Three days. I think that was in Makati (Philippines).
JC 00:15:58
I was just, like, going with the flow there because I didn't know you that much at the time, but I knew "Ate kita"- you're my sister.
Wish 00:16:06
Yeah.
JC 00:16:07
I'm supposed to have fun, so I had fun. That was a confusing time for me.
Wish 00:16:14
Right. Wow. Yeah. Because when I was very close to you, you were still a baby and a toddler. And then after that, yeah. I'm just really not around that much until mom passed. Right. So where are these relationships now at present? Now that post, because lots happened as individuals, and this is the interesting thing for me, having a lot of siblings. I mean, the interesting part for me is that we were all raised the same same value, same parents, same mannerism, same home, pretty much. But we all grew up differently, completely differently. I mean, you and I are very similar in some way, in a lot of ways, actually. But with our other sisters, we completely have different life paths, choices, and even attitudes, I think. There's nothing and, like, what you felt. I was a middle child for 17 years before you came along, and I can't relate to the both of them. So they're doing their own things. I'm doing my own thing. As teenagers, all of us are eldest. Jackie and I four years apart, and then Jem and I are three years apart. But within that, during teenage years, we have completely separate lives to a point that I'm completely disconnected for the both of them. I never really felt having sisters. I see my other friends having sisters, and until now, we're adults. They all have kids to get kids, their own families, but the sisterhood is just so strong. And I was like, I never really had that. I have that with Anne, which is my best friend, and she's my sister, but I never really had that kind of a sisterhood with my own sisters. So that's fascinating to me because we were raised in the same house. We were raised the same, but completely different choices at the end of the day. So it's hard for me to say sometimes it's hard for me to judge parents. For example, someone went astray, and it's like, oh, the parents didn't raise them well. It has to start from home. Yes, it has to start from home. I agree with that. But when it comes to blaming the parents for the choices that we make, sometimes I find that very unfair for the parents because we're the living example. We all have different paths that we took with the same values and ethics that were being taught and given upon us by our parents. Right.
JC 00:19:19
Yeah. I think how I handled the house was I took a very curious approach. I was very curious.
Wish 00:19:28
Tell me more.
JC 00:19:29
Yeah, I was so curious that I actually deliberately tried to learn from the stories of the family way before I was born. Right. The conflicts, the mistakes. Yeah. I think I talk a bit more of a paleontological, paleontological approach to the family, and that's how I learned from the mistakes of our system...
Wish 00:20:03
Anthropological. Why do you want to learn about those?
JC 00:20:06
Yeah. Again, because when I was there, everybody was the siblings weren't like, well, Ate Jem. Right. The youngest sister, 13 years older than you. Right.
Wish 00:20:19
13 years older (than JC), yes.
JC 00:20:20
Yeah. So she only had, like, three years when I was born. Three years after she already was forced to live like an adult.
Wish 00:20:33
She wasn't forced.
JC 00:20:35
No, she didn't have a choice. Right. She did the thing, and then now she's like, okay, what's the thing?
Wish 00:20:44
You have to clarify. Nobody knows her story.
JC 00:20:46
All right. Having the child, the accidental child,.
Wish 00:20:53
Is it even an accident? Is it really?
JC 00:20:59
I don't know.
Wish 00:21:01
It's not an accident if you have sex.
JC 00:21:06
It's like picking someone. It's like fighting someone to death. You're already laying down your life before you even consider winning or losing. Right.
Wish 00:21:16
Wow. That's very philosophical. Yes.
JC 00:21:21
And then you were already working at that time? Yeah, like, studying for a few years, a year when I was born. How many years?
Wish 00:21:32
Yeah. So I was already in college when you were born. So you were born Feb 97. I entered sorry. When you were born, I was still in high school, about to finish high school. So I finished March high school, and then I went to college June. So that's why I was obsessed with you when you were an infant, because I was there for a few months full time, because it was a summer holiday before I went to college, so that was time. And then I left. You were four.
JC 00:22:17
Yeah. So four years.
Wish 00:22:19
Yes.
JC 00:22:20
Jem was three years. Jackie was kind of always yeah, she was always there. She was always with mom.
Wish 00:22:29
Do you know why she was always with mom?
JC 00:22:31
Yeah.
Wish 00:22:34
She's always with mom. Because of you. She was banished. She was banished from home for all the misdeeds. Right. She was given all the entitlement of being the eldest one, first one who will be able to be put up in college at a very, very good school. She's given all new uniform, new expensive bag, school bag, expensive shoes, like everybody, because dad is the youngest of six siblings, and so we're the last one who would have someone in college, and everybody's just so excited for her. And then apparently on the last term of the first year, apparently she's not going to school anymore, and she just eloped. So that's where it began. And then she was banished by dad. Because we have a rule you can't have a boyfriend while you're still in school. And because we're all like girls, so they're just trying to protect us, really, and they really wanted for us to have a good future. And so when she did that, she was banished. She was only allowed to come back because of you. When mom got pregnant, because Mom's pregnancy, she was already 39 years old at that time when she had you. So she needed some help at home. And so that was Mom's tender heart's way to tell dad, I need help. I wanted my daughter to be here to help me. So that's how Jack came back into the loop, came back home, and we accepted the guy, the husband, and that's how she came back to the fold. And I remember mom and Jack would say that you're there saving grace. That's why she came back into the fold. And that just forgiven her. And just like, yeah, that's how it happened.
JC 00:24:48
Well, I'm confident to say that didn't fix anything. Yeah. And then her misdeeds branched to her daughter.
Wish 00:24:59
Yes. Okay.
JC 00:25:04
No, that's going to be for later, right?
Wish 00:25:08
Yeah. Okay. Since you're already there, where are these relationships about your siblings at present? Now that we established your childhood with us, where are these relationships at present?
JC 00:25:25
Well, the simplest one, you and me. Yeah. You're basically my mother now.
Wish 00:25:33
Yes, I'm your mom.
JC 00:25:37
When I talk about you (to) my girlfriend. Yeah. You're literally my mother, my role model. And then whenever I tell people, everybody should have that, a person like that in their life. That's why I see a lot of people who say, confused, figuring shit out. Right. Some role models themselves are like that as well. They have to figure their own shit out. But they need a role model, a mentor that they can really put their trust into. Unconditional trust, whatever they say is on the top list of considerations.
Wish 00:26:16
Absolutely. I believe that. Well, I kept up with it when you mentioned earlier that I wasn't really present at your early stages in your life. So pretty much four to 10-11 years old. And then when mom passed, I kept up with it. I stepped up because I made a pact.
JC 00:26:43
Yeah. When I talk to you about my friends, I tell them simply that you're the person who stopped me from being that tambay, that standby guy in the bridge near Tabon, near the computer shop.
Wish 00:27:01
Let's explain what tambay is.
JC 00:27:04
What tambay is universal jobless. Jobless.
Wish 00:27:09
No, it's not just yes, okay. Tambay, one of the factors is being jobless. But you're a kid. There should be more connotation about tambay. Let's say let's see tambay in English, and then let's see the synonym.
JC 00:27:29
No, I don't think I'm going to discriminate.
Wish 00:27:33
It says here, okay. Tambay, according to Urban Dictionary, a Filipino term for someone who is jobless, uneducated, and just likes to loiter around the street.
JC 00:27:46
Yeah, a loiterer by career.
Wish 00:27:50
I see.
JC 00:27:51
And then if you do well enough, get more connections, you can get promoted as an alcoholic.
Wish 00:27:59
Oh, wow. Yeah, there's more in tagalog.com. It's an adjective. Tambay is standing by, loafing around, standing around, hanging out, lollygagging, no goals, stuff like that. And then in, Quora says, for me, Tambay means jobless or not doing anything. Okay, now we establish what Tambay is.
JC 00:28:26
Yes. tambay career path. Yes. You're the person who helped me from being a tambay from our hometown Tabon. There's a lot of them there.
Wish 00:28:39
Yeah. Unfortunately.
JC 00:28:42
That's how I simply put. Yeah, it's deeper than that, but that's how I put it simply.
Wish 00:28:50
Thank you. I feel the same. I can tell you everything. That's why I love being a mom sister or a sister mom. What's better? See, words are just so complex sometimes because mother sister is different than sister mother.
JC 00:29:11
I think it's sister mother, because it's sister, because there's an actual mother. So it's sister mom.
Wish 00:29:19
Okay? Yes. So mother sister is a mom pretending to be her friend, right. Hanging out, it's like, mom, stop, you're embarrassing me. Okay? I'm a sister mom. So that's the perks of being a sister mom, because apart from me being your kind of parental authority or a guardian, I could still be your sister, wherein I could also rely on you. I trust you as much as you trust me. I cannot hide from you my embarrassing stuff or all those details or whether one of us is having an anxiety attack. We can tell each other because for comfort. Yes. So I really love our relationship like that. And being your mom as a role, it's such a joy for me to have this privilege that, yes, I did not bear you in my own body, but what I really, really love is the privilege of having raised a teenager to a man. It's just a wonderful, wonderful experience for me. And probably our parents did very well because I just follow through the values that they imbibed in me unto you and correct the mistakes that they may have made that they admitted to me, oh, I made a mistake here and there, and then hopefully you can do better. So I just had to play that along. And so it's such a joy to be a sister mother to you.
JC 00:31:06
Yes. Ate Jem now, Jackie first, because it's no, it's complex. Jem still sister, but rarely part-time sister. Part-time sister. Yes, she's still sister. We never really fought, so there's no indifference there. There's still some kind of affection because it's complex, actually.
Wish 00:31:40
Yes. But for me, simply just to input there is that she does love you very much.
JC 00:31:46
Yeah. I feel that, to be completely honest, what happens yeah. She's still fun to be around. Yeah, she's really fun to be around.
Wish 00:31:59
She's really fun. But there's just some self-conflict there that she can't admit for herself, which is a little bit difficult to see.
JC 00:32:10
I guess, like the typical normal sister that works in a different country, I guess the usual. You don't really talk to them as often as you can because they have their own lives in a different country, or see, they haven't seen them in years. In real life, they have their own lives. So it's like a typical relationship like that. And if she's ever going to listen to this, I just wish she's a bit more actually pouring her... I want to know her a bit more and I want her to be open a bit more to me because I'm really curious, because whenever she talks to me, I always have this feeling that there's more that she wants to say but she's shy or embarrassed about it and not going to lie. There's nothing bad I can do with what she's going to tell me. It doesn't really downgrade my perspective to her or even upgrade. It's just stories. I just want to know her a bit better.
Wish 00:33:14
Yeah, she's frustrating because you can see that there's like a gentle, fun kid in there. But from what I've observed, yes, she's trying her best and I think she thinks that too. I won't discount that, that she's trying to be a good mom, a single parent, and she's working hard. But like what you said, there's more than meets the eye. What she's saying, what she's trying to impose, is not her full, genuine self. I don't know if she's ashamed, but it's just frustrating for me as a big sister. And what's frustrating for me as well, being this sibling, is that they think that I think highly of myself. So I hate that, that they think that I am boastful, but I haven't. And as much as I try to be better with her, because, again, I don't really have a sister relationship with her, she's more of a friend because we really never grew up together properly. So what's hard for me, seeing this, like, what you're saying, there's always more to what she's just saying. And then at some point, I attack her sometimes. I'm going to admit that I do attack her sometimes because I get so frustrated with her, because I'm trying to help and be that big sister that she's lacking and she still hides under ego or something else. Why could you just be honest and just lay it on the ground and just be weak in front of us? We're your family. Yeah, and I've given up a little bit, but there will always be love there. But I leave it to you. I'm passing the baton to you.
JC 00:35:19
Well, what I want from her really, is just like, yeah, let's just get into the nitty gritty, the cringy, maybe even the disgusting. I want to know and I'll tell you my disgusting parts of me, I don't really mind.
Wish 00:35:37
You're never disgusting, Jace.
JC 00:35:39
No, I mean parts of me. So the most real, I'm open to tell her, like, one to one. Trading. Trading.
Wish 00:35:51
Yeah. But don't you think that's very transactional? Should siblings be that transactional? Oh, that's a very good question, too.
JC 00:36:00
I guess deliberately. No, but I think if we don't think about it, it's just going to turn into that anyway. I guess that's like one of the fundamentals of trust. It's like you give and take, but you don't really think about it. You just do, and then it just balances out out of goodwill.
Wish 00:36:21
That's true. Wow. Yeah.
JC 00:36:24
If trust is, like, in its full, it's in the mature, in its mature state, you never really think about you're giving the same amount as you're taking because it just comes out naturally. You don't really think about it anymore.
Wish 00:36:37
Yeah, that's the thing, right? Okay. Sometimes she feels like I'm attacking her or I'm judging her, but I am highly opinionated only because I care so much. So I come in strong sometimes, but that's deliberate from my side. But the hard part is that at the end of the day, if you can't be genuinely honest with me, or with you even, how are we supposed to accurately help or support her and her predilections in life? Like, how can we understand her better if she's always holding back the truth about her? It's us. And I don't know where that's coming from because she's a very rebellious, careless, brazen teenager. She was like that and sorry, it's just really frustrating for me and it's heartbreaking at the same time because there's another what do you call that? There's another factor there, which is our nephew. Right. So it gets all the more frustrating.
JC 00:37:50
Yeah. Ate Jem, if you, Ate Jem know everyone, to become more of a sister, more of a family, you just have to open up a bit. It's not just being genuine and it's not just being more truthful. Because most likely we have some things that we're ignorant about her. Right. Because she never opened.
Wish 00:38:16
Absolutely. But that's the thing. We had an opening. Right. We had a very good, I thought, opening during my hen party, when we all went out before our wedding party in Tagaytay, we all went out and then at the end of the night, a part of her opened up way more. I found more about her at that time. Not completely. It's just because she's drunk, so she's uninhibited, so she laid down a little bit more of the things, and I laid down mine. Because I never had an opportunity for her to get to know me. Because I also left and she left and nothing. We didn't really have that sisterly interaction until that time. And I thought, it's going to improve over there. But she closed up again because I don't know, for some reason, the impression that I'm getting from our sisters is that they think that I'm perpetually judging them. I don't know. Why can you see that? Am I perpetually judging all of you?
JC 00:39:36
Yeah, I always hear that from Ate Jackie. Yeah.
Wish 00:39:44
Me perpetually judging you or you perpetually judging Jack?
JC 00:39:49
No, Ate Jackie always tells me about how you're up high on a hill somewhere higher than Mt Everest.
Wish 00:39:59
That's their insecurity.
JC 00:40:02
Yeah.
Wish 00:40:03
It's the victimhood.
JC 00:40:05
Because I have this perspective. You shouldn't really care about what people think about you. Because I know that most likely people are just dealing with their own securities themselves. They're judging themselves more than other people. Unless they're like, deliberately an asshole. They actually live to fucking do violence.
Wish 00:40:30
Right. We're not assholes at all. I could sometimes be, but never with them.
JC 00:40:37
Yeah, because if they're actually assholes, you would know immediately if they're judging you, they're literally going to straight up tell you this.
Wish 00:40:44
You know me, right? When I'm judging, I literally tell people I'm judging them. I literally tell them it's more honourable.
JC 00:40:54
To stab from the front than the back to the front than the back.
Wish 00:40:58
Yeah. I only attack that way because I can't get through. So you'd rather be overly frank, let them hurt a little bit and then they're going to think about it and then they come back to you. It's like, oh, hell, you're right, or oh, you're wrong there. But you hit me, you hit me hard. And I thought about it.
JC 00:41:22
Yeah. Going back to Ate Jem, I've noticed more of my relationship to her now I've noticed as well. Even though she's not opening up, she's of course, right, doing effort to be, quote unquote, family, more of a family again with us. And there's just like one thing I want, one thing that I would like to tell her about that more than the caring, more than the laughing together, more than the crying together, stuff like that. I think the foundation we have to build first is for us to be familiar with each other. First family is more than just the highs and lows. It's also like the familiarity with each other on who we really are to each other as a family.
Wish 00:42:15
Yeah, I agree. Our foundation is quite crumbly with her. And the distance doesn't really help a lot because there are formative years when it comes to relationship, I think in the siblings life. Right. It depends on where the formative years are. But I think there's a foundation somewhere that you have to build for you to be able to have a very good kind of core in your relationship that you can go through life together. It's the same as any relationships in life, right. You have to start somewhere and build that core for you to have a strength to walk together onwards in life. Yeah. So that's right.
JC 00:43:01
Yeah. So branching from the subject of familiarity and information, knowing on a sibling, like, another extreme of that is Ate Jackie which instead of us not knowing, it's full-on just deceit.
Wish 00:43:01
Is it really deceit ?
JC 00:43:01
in a way? Because whenever she tells me something, it's not that she's lying. She has a strategy. Like, I figured this out many times already, I've played this in my head a lot of times, that she steers a conversation on a level or on a side or on even an angle in which she doesn't have to lie to make the perception of the person she's talking to a bit more favourable to her. Like, for example, in a conflict, she's going to steer the conversation in a way that she's not at fault without needing to lie.
Wish 00:44:03
So there's always ulterior motive.
JC 00:44:06
Yes. My relationship with her now yeah. For half a decade now, is absently quiet. But recently I at least talked to her a bit, because we have a tita (auntie), right? Mama Cely.
Wish 00:44:06
auntie.
JC 00:44:06
Auntie and I have to go there every year because she's old. She's 88 now.
Wish 00:44:26
89.
JC 00:44:27
89. And the only time I get to see her or Ate can get to give a gift to her is every Christmas. She can really always go there in Christmas, and Ate Jackie is there every year. And for the past few years before 2022, she's always crying, making the air awkward. So I have to at least make this a bit more bearable.
Wish 00:44:59
Yeah. For all sides.
JC 00:45:01
Yeah. So I just like, okay, talk to you. What's going on?
Wish 00:45:05
Okay, wait, we have to step back. Where did it go all go wrong? Because at the end of the day, when mom died and then dad died, I have no choice but to keep working. I was in Singapore, right? I have to finance everyone. So she raised you in your high school years. She raised you while I was away, the provider. But anyway, I won't discount that at all because she does care. She does care, genuinely care for all of us. But her personal lifestyle choices and so much hatred in her heart that she can't see through beyond her own humanity and everybody's an enemy, and she's perpetual victim after that. Where did it all go wrong for your relationship with her?
JC 00:46:13
Well, I'll start with she's very intelligent. She's a very intelligent person. Good, bad, very intelligent, very intelligent. But on the EQ side, she fixates on what she thinks is right, which is I think I can put it to like I can say this a tunnel vision. And remember when I told you she was very caring? She emphasized her life on caring for a person, for a family member, for a kid, for her daughter. But she can't see anything a bit broader than that, that she didn't take care of herself, she didn't invest on herself, she didn't improved her relationship beyond her relationships with mom, dad, me, beyond trying to take care of them, because every time she goes back to someone, it's when they need her.
Wish 00:47:20
Yeah.
JC 00:47:23
And the thing is, that's the only thing she could ever do her whole life, because she never did anything for herself, right? That's why she ends up blaming she ends up blame, she ends up fixating that she can't do shit
Wish 00:47:34
because of everybody else.
JC 00:47:38
Because she's taking care of everybody else all of her time's there. And I know I've been with her since 2000 and with Allen, her ex boyfriend, she has a shit ton of downtime when nobody needs help.
Wish 00:47:54
Years. Yeah, years.
JC 00:47:58
I always remember, always at any age, ten years from now, 15 years from now, she tells me she can't get a job. Having a hard time getting a job. I mean, that's true for everyone. But I understand from you as well, as you get older, right, you get a hard time getting a job. Harder, harder, harder. Older. Older, older. But the thing is, does she even have a choice?
Wish 00:48:23
Everybody's got a choice. Nothing. I mean, we're alive.
JC 00:48:28
Yeah, the way I put it is, does she even have a choice but to other choice, but not like, get a job, get a better job, find a career path, find a path for you.
Wish 00:48:40
But she doesn't have that capacity. Can't you see? Again, this is the frustrating, heartbreaking thing. Like what you're saying. She's intelligent, but she's so lazy. I don't know. There's no motivation because she's like, oh, poor me, I'm not rich, so everybody against me. Oh my gosh. We've given her opportunities. I've given her jobs and opportunities, and I can help her with a lot of things, but she doesn't want to. All she wants is love. God, seriously.
JC 00:49:26
Yeah. I remember 2011. Eleven or earlier, she told me she can't get a job, she's too old.
Wish 00:49:35
That isn't true either.
JC 00:49:37
She got a job hunt. I think it lasted a week, maybe most a month. Because of course I'm laughing because me, 26, I already understand that getting a job is a job of it in itself. It might even take years. But you don't stop. You actually take a job. It's a full time job to find a job. You don't put shit up. Wait, put shit up? Wait, no, you put shit up. 24/7. Even if you can, like as much as you fucking can, you find look for it. Look for it.
Wish 00:50:14
And we can help her. A lot of people can help her get a job. It's just that when the job gets harder or it sounds hard, she doesn't want to do it.
JC 00:50:24
And there's a funny thing. She told me that more than ten years ago, 2011 at the latest, she told me the same fucking sorry, same fucking thing on December 25...
Wish 00:50:41
Just last year. Yes. Last Christmas.
JC 00:50:44
The exact words were "nahihirapan na akong makahanap ng trabaho".
Wish 00:50:51
Translate.
JC 00:50:53
I'm having a hard time getting a job because I'm getting older.
Wish 00:50:57
And that is BS. That's full of BS. But that's always her cop out. That's always I don't know. There's no motivation. There's nothing there. I mean, there are so many people who wanted to help her, but she just wants the money. Like a handout. I'm going to lie down here and not do anything because I think victimhood is a full time job. And a lot of victims, there's even, like, celebrities who are always playing victims and a lot of public figures, or even just a normal individual. I'm sure any of our listeners would know at least one or two or even ten people who will always play as a victim and just their excuse for them not motivating themselves to do better for themselves.
JC 00:51:48
And the funny thing, I want to talk about the handouts later, but okay, nothing. I know a lot of people who's like, damn, like 22 25. I know this person who paid for her father's cancer treatment at the same time paying for their rent, at the same time paying for the rent of her older brother, which is like five years older. Funny, it was like deceitful. And she's working multiple jobs at 25 and 24/7. Like, fucking hell. And I know a lot of people who's working multiple jobs, especially in the economy. Right now, I have to work multiple jobs as well. I am freelance right now, but I have to get a full time job without giving up the freelance work. We don't have a choice. And listening to her, remembering her and listening to her now I can't get a job and I can see she can't hide shit from me. She can't hide shit from me because I see her all the time. I've seen her lifestyle almost every day. When I was not going to school in my second year, being a delinquent, I had my delinquent period.
Wish 00:53:10
Dude, imagine this. I, until now, can't fathom how I carried all of you. I can't. So when you said you know someone, you also know someone very close to you. Yeah, so that's why I had to do everything, especially in my 20s. It's like, okay, fuck sleep. I don't need sleep, I only need 2 hours. I needed to do this because business is bankrupt, dad's cancer treatment. And then I have two Montessori students, which is you and our niece. And then I have to give her, of course, for everyone. And I don't know how I did that. Of course a lot of people also help me. It's just because they also see that I'm going to pay them back or at the same time, I'm really trying my best sometimes. Until now, I don't know how I survived. But it's doable. Like when you know that you need to survive, that you need to earn, that you need to do your best, you can do it. Everything else are just excuses. There are excuses. I understand. It's just because I have some entitlement that I have an education. But for you to get somewhere no, but for you to get somewhere, you really just have to really have that self motivation and really force yourself to do everything that you can in your power to do all of these things. And that really angers me. But now, before it angers me, and now it's just like it's such a melancholic notion to see and understand it better what the behaviours are of someone that we know very closely to us.
JC 00:55:13
Yeah. And the thing I always hear from her is yeah, she always tells us she doesn't take shit from anyone. Right. That's why she's Matapang brave. Courage. I believe that she's fucking violent. Damn.
Wish 00:55:29
But that's not bravery. It's an empty thing. It's not.
JC 00:55:33
Yeah. What confuses me is whenever she loses a job the past decade, it's always somebody doing shit to her. And she didn't do anything about it. She's always like, oh, I got fired. The last job she had, like, census thing. Somebody wrote my name for embezzlement. Shit. The Bahrain job. Right. Drama. Somebody manipulates something for me, for people to look at me at a bad light. So they fired me. They forced me to go out.
Wish 00:56:08
No, I thought she came back because of a guy, a boyfriend.
JC 00:56:14
Yeah. No, I'm telling about her perceived truths. That's a light way of putting it.
Wish 00:56:22
Perceived truth. Okay.
JC 00:56:27
Yeah. That's her stories. Right? That's her reasoning. But damn, I thought you told me. I guess it's her perceived principle to not take shit from anyone, but in a corporate setting. Holy shit, woman.
Wish 00:56:45
Yeah.
JC 00:56:48
Even Ate Jem asked for help and.
Wish 00:56:52
Actually fought for she's still fighting.
JC 00:56:56
Yeah.
Wish 00:56:56
So that's a massive difference between those two. There's this one, it's just like she's just keeping a lot of things for herself. Probably she's more insecure of what other people were going to say about her, but she's always tooth and nail would have that pride. Sometimes I think it's a misplaced pride, but she's got a pride that I'm working. I'm going to make it through.
JC 00:57:24
I'll make a comparison. Now that Jackie has a perceived truth way of seeing bravery and tapang, like, actual bravery. Right? She has this front. It's a front. Whereas Ate Jem doesn't have any. But she has way more courage and bravery than Ate Jackie will ever have.
Wish 00:57:48
That's right.
JC 00:57:50
She has done more. She has done way more. She should feel good about that. But of course you need more courage at Christ.
Wish 00:57:59
Yeah. Well, at the end of the day, this is one of the things I think that's why I love my concept of this podcast. Sorry it's not really self-promoting here or self-serving here, but if you see the word courage on its own, got a complete different interpretation between two people. There's someone who's really courageous, but she doesn't know it. Really. She doesn't know that the word describes her. And then there's this one who owns who thinks she owns the word courageous, but she's really not. She's just saying it in her mouth, but she doesn't embody what it really means. And on that other side as well, for me to really for myself, I know I'm brave and courageous. I only say that when at some point I've proven something to myself over and over again, and other people remind me that I am brave, I am courageous, and at some point, okay, I've got to own those. I've got to own that word. And it's true. But I felt like I needed to earn that word before I could describe myself that way. Wow. Yeah. So having that, can you say that our sibling dynamic is somewhat broken? How can you describe that? I mean, in our situation, as all of us are adults now. You kept up with us. You're now an adult.
JC 00:59:40
Yeah.
Wish 00:59:40
How do you see this?
JC 00:59:40
From my side? Of course I see as I say, I have full control because I'm, like, technically the outsider. I didn't do bad to anyone, so I have the control to become the brother to all of you in the fullest way.
Wish 01:00:05
Baby brother?
JC 01:00:06
Yeah, the baby brother in the fullest affection and everything. I have that power because I didn't really do anything bad to you guys. There wasn't any drama.
Wish 01:00:18
Thank God.
JC 01:00:22
I wasn't really an asshole kid.
Wish 01:00:25
Well, technically, I raised you. Yes, I took credit.
JC 01:00:34
But in a broader sense for everyone. Right? Yeah. It's broken. Yes, broken. It's confusing. It's complex.
Wish 01:00:48
You're really still confused about this?
JC 01:00:51
I'm saying confused because fixing it is like untangling a yarn that's 1 km in diameter. You can't just because you have to unravel it without using scissors. Because once you use scissors,
Wish 01:00:51
it's gone.
JC 01:00:51
I think everything's gone.
Wish 01:01:15
Yeah. The thread will be ...
JC 01:01:19
it's a bond that's made of thread that's tangled. It's like a copper wire that's connected, but you have to untangle it somehow for it to work. I know that's not how copper wires work, but you have to make it look pretty.
Wish 01:01:37
Yeah, okay. I'm getting where you're coming from when it comes to that. I just think that it's probably in your perspective with our baby brother, it's kind of confusing. Broken, convoluted, confusing. So tangled up. But in my perspective at this point in life is that it's somewhat tragic. Not tragic as in dramatic, like overly dramatic. It's a tragedy in its way, but at the same time understanding that we all really have chosen a completely different path. But that does not take away that there's love for me. There's always love and forgiveness, but I will never forget. Yeah, that's true. The anger that I felt years ago completely dissipated because there's no point at the end of the day like what I told you, I felt like I grew up on my own, not having sisters, and it's still true to the fact, and that's fine. So I can't take anything against them with everything that unfolded with their lives in my life. So even if they have bad opinions about me, it doesn't matter to me because of our distant relationship.
JC 01:03:08
I guess that's what's different for me. I'm privileged to have a good relationship with all of you. It's not full on tragic because for Ate Jem, it's simple. But of course, the struggle, it's on her, but it's just simple. It's become more open as a person, even just as a person, not as a sister, as a person to us. And for Ate Jack, if she gets her shit together christ, even if you're not there, christ. Everything's. Like, that's a good ending. That's a good ending already.
Wish 01:03:41
Good for her, right? Yeah, that's right.
JC 01:03:47
But at this point, the untangling of the yarn, it may look complex, but maybe, just maybe, if both just like the two ends you just pull it and it'll become untangled.
Wish 01:04:02
Yeah. Occam's Razor, right? Occam's Razor like the simplest solution is just to pull. Unfortunately, life can't be just like that because for me, I could see other families or even on TV. It's like, but you're sisters. You're by blood. And a lot of people also, it's like, oh, you choose your own family. All of be as it may, all of them are true again, individual experiences, individual choices, and unique stories. Right. But for me, there are some things that are irreparable, and I made peace with that. But that does not mean that there's anger in my heart. It's just that what I always say, what I've heard a long time ago, never push a kind person to the point that they don't give a fuck. So it's at the moment, at this point in time, I don't give a fuck. It's just because I decided to focus on the people that I really, truly love and care about, that I could pay attention at. And then in terms of the family segment, the family kind of sometimes I would think I wonder what mom and dad think about the relationship that we have. Like the present relationship that we had among siblings. Like, are they going to be sad about it and whatever? Are they going to be upset? But at the end of the day, I am at peace at where I am. And I need to understand and remember whatever they do with their lives and their choices, it's not my call, it's not my place. But one of them like, I e Jem. If she comes back to me, lay it all out and not keep anything, it's not even an agenda. It's just like, if she just lay it all out and just be honest to herself, not to us, she doesn't owe me anything. She just needed to reflect on a lot of that. Then probably there's hope in the future that there's going to be more, there's going to be some more sisterhood type of thing. I'm happy not to count on it.
JC 01:06:19
Yeah, because the thing is, the Jackie thing is way far from saving because it's just so fucked up, and she has to do a lot of shit to get her shit. Right.
Wish 01:06:33
It's just when it comes to Jackie, I have given up completely.
JC 01:06:40
Yeah, you're already at indifference. Right? Because I believe in the saying, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Wish 01:06:50
Right? Yeah, it is. So I've come to a point that I made peace, that I can't help her. I am in no position to save her because she's not helping herself. I've given her all the tools, how to fish. She lost it all. And I've done my best, and that's enough. And other people would say, oh, never say never. But at this point in my life, it's really indifferent to me. There's nothing there for me to go on. I can't even say I've lost my eldest sister. I didn't. I've moved on, unfortunately.
JC 01:07:34
Should we move on to the niece?
Wish 01:07:37
No. Okay, we're not going to talk about the niece. The niece is what they call that extension.
JC 01:07:44
The DLC?
Wish 01:07:45
No, the niece is that kind of what they call that wound when it's like it's healed, but if you prick it, it's still gonna ooze out pus or something?
JC 01:08:02
A "pigsa". A pimple. She's a pimple. You're basically calling her a pimple.
Wish 01:08:09
That's relationship. No, I suppose, like niece Jackie's daughter again, we're talking about siblings here. So that's like a collateral damage. But that collateral damage is more damaging than the collateral. More damaging than the main damage. Yeah, but that's the fruit of everything. But just on the side comment on that, I just wanted to say in simple words, my keyword about that incident with the niece is betrayal. That's worse. But that's a different thing for another day. Where do you think will our siblings go in the future?
JC 01:09:10
Jackie. I'll give credit. She never had vices. I'm confident on that. I'm very confident on that. So I guess she's just going to live, born, live and die in Tabon.
Wish 01:09:24
And don't you think that perpetual victimhood is a vice?
JC 01:09:30
Yeah, that's her addiction. She likes to abuse it. On that subject, what I wanted to say about her asking for handouts all the time, I remember I gave her an advice, that's the most important advice I'll ever give her. That when you're asking for money or anything, you're not getting it for free at that time. You're actually giving out a part of your dignity just for that moment of getting that thing. And of course, you don't really get that full dignity back when you pay it back, but of course you get most of it back because it's just my way of saying to her that she spend all of her dignity already and I can't really take her any more seriously. And I'm honestly cringe. I feel embarrassed about everything she's done. She's so empty of dignity at this point that, of course, her coping there is like a huge amount of pride there, but it doesn't have anything. It's hollow. Hollow pride. No dignity in that pride. Basically, that yeah, she's just going to keep doing what she's doing. Nothing's going to change. That's her status quo.
Wish 01:10:48
Yeah. I don't get it. Where are these pride are coming from? Why do they have so much pride? We were taught humility, I guess.
JC 01:11:01
Because yeah, it's misguided. People don't really get to not a lot of people get the privilege to learn where pride should come from. Like, pride should come from principle. Pride should come from your own values, right? Not from victory, not from the results. Pride shouldn't come from results. Pride shouldn't come from winning. Pride shouldn't come from what you own. Pride should just come from your principles, like following your principles, not betraying your principles and following and not betraying your values. That's where pride should always come from. That's what I believe.
Wish 01:11:51
oh my gosh, who is this person? Who are you? You're so good. Oh my gosh.
JC 01:11:56
Then I have this extension of a belief that we're animals in a literal sense, in a scientific sense, we're animals. And what separates us from animals is principles and values, like following it and believing in it. And as for some people, it comes from religion. For me, it comes from actual, my pride, my principles, values, what I learn, what I take in from other people and learning from them. And I really believe that your principles, your values is your soul. And that's what separates us from animals. Because once you betray and lie to yourself about your principles and values, you're no more than an animal, right? Yeah. You don't have a soul.
Wish 01:12:48
Hey, my cat's got soul. Yeah.
JC 01:12:52
She has a principle of protecting you. She's watching over you. Twenty four seven. To the point that she doesn't eat, she has to follow you.
Wish 01:13:02
Oh my gosh. Yeah. Sometimes, like, I have to stop there so she could eat it's. It's crazy. Okay, overall, what wisdom do you have for our listeners about having siblings?
JC 01:13:17
Before you prioritize doing good deeds with them, before thinking about care, before thinking about actual trust, build that foundation of actually knowing them on who they really are. Because if you just blindly do what you feel is right before even trying to get to know them any better, you'll just get surprised that they're going to betray you. You're just going to get surprised that they have a side that they're going to fuck you over with, or maybe even maybe even when you want to rely on them. You didn't know that they're that kind of person.
Wish 01:14:00
Right.
JC 01:14:00
But besides that, I really think family, siblings, you got to start with actually knowing them really in a deep sense, because without that, they're just a stranger, they're just a friend. There's that level of, yeah, you can be familiar with your friends more than your siblings. But there's that thing I can't point to it. There's just that thing of knowing a familiarity that's unique to siblings. Yeah.
Wish 01:14:33
Wow. Yeah. So for me, on my side, I just think that siblings, your siblings, they're the same as you. You are an individual, you are human, and they're individuals too, with different passions, beliefs. You may be raised the same, but that doesn't mean that you can expect that they will be an extension of you. They're not. They're their own. And you're your own person. And writing from what JC said, you can get to know them as such, as that individual. You are family. Ideally, you can be loyal to each other and love each other and be loyal and all of these things. Right. But at the end of the day, just remember that your siblings are humans too, on their own: individual person.
JC 01:15:37
Yeah. And to extend for my communication, right. There's this aspect in emotional maturity, which is communication, which is knowing what to say, how you feel into words.
Wish 01:15:53
Openness.
JC 01:15:54
Yeah, openness. It's not just like how open you are. It's like actually knowing telling that person accurately. It's just a thing that we have to learn, right, for the rest of our lives. If there's a conflict, if there's an away (fight), if there's sadness, try to do your best to communicate that to your siblings, because if you don't tell that 20 years down the line, it's still in their head and there's going to be some conflict there that's building up.
Wish 01:16:27
And also, at the same time, like any relationships, right. You build it as you go along. And you have to remember that all of you are growing. All of you are evolving. So don't take that one against each other. And you also can't pressure yourself because of the society would say, oh, siblings have to go together all the time. That's not true. It's really like whatever dynamics you have, you would like like any relationship, even friendships or your parental love and everybody else, just your dynamics. You try your best to understand each human and mesh with them in the best way that you can. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. At the end of the day, it doesn't work. Just don't get pressured by someone saying, oh, you have to be together because your sisters, your brothers, sometimes there's a falling out, sometimes you make up at some point. Yeah. That's the mystery of life, isn't it? We evolve, we change perspectives, we grow, we emotionally mature, hopefully! Not everybody does... so older us, right?
JC 01:17:45
Yeah.
Wish 01:17:46
So in closing, I want you and me to have major keywords that you kind of picked up. Like major. Give me at least three major keywords that you picked up from the word siblings from our conversation.
JC 01:18:02
Okay. It's the first keywords, familiarity. Second is choices. And the last one is guidance.
Wish 01:18:17
Yes.
JC 01:18:17
The lack of guidance, actually. Lack of guidance. Unguided. Yes, unguided. Make that the third keyword. Unguided.
Wish 01:18:28
Okay, let me think about this. So I think for me, it's entanglement and then probably understanding.
JC 01:18:39
Okay.
Wish 01:18:40
And the third one is it's really relationships.
JC 01:18:48
All right. Yeah. Best way to put this whole conversation yes. Into one word.
Wish 01:18:55
Yeah. I really like that. I really like this.
JC 01:18:59
Yeah.
Wish 01:19:00
Isn't this cathartic?
JC 01:19:02
Very.
Wish 01:19:04
And also, just to also wrap this all up, some people may think that we're airing our dirty laundry in public, and that's not the intention. The intention of this conversation is for everyone to eavesdrop on a human, real, genuine conversation about a topic that may relate to people or maybe something new to people, a different perspective. It's really about that. Right? So it's not like we're bashing on our siblings. It's just that this is our personal experiences. This is how we talk about this all the time in a normal environment. And this is something that we agreed that we can share with all of you. I hope that you found something meaningful in our conversation. I hope that you can also reflect with this word about sibling, what it means, what it entails, and what it may mean in your life moving forward. So, JC, thank you very much for hanging out with me with my new experiment, Epitome Anatomy. And thank you so much, really. And I love you to death. And congratulations again for having a new job and graduating, and I'm really so proud of you. Thank you all. Bye, bro. See you on messenger.
JC 01:20:46
Bye. Bye.
Wish 01:20:47
Bye. Thank you. Some important words relating to siblings are bond, affinity, and character. As my brother JC said, "family is more than just the highs and lows. It's also the familiarity with each other on who we really are to each other as a family." To apply a quote from an American memoirist, popular poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou quote "I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at." End quote. Going back to my conversation with my brother, I always find comfort that we are able to be open to and honest to each other about our feelings, about our emotions, and about our thoughts and opinions with something very deep and sensitive about our relationship towards other people, especially the people who should be closest to us. I am so proud that my sibling, my brother, is growing up to be a very good man, that he's driving forward, that he's gaining a lot of wisdom, that he's got a lot of passion and love in his heart. Hatred does not have a place in our relationship and in the way that we view other people. And that's very important as part of our bond. So I'm going to circle it back to you. What matters to you about your siblings? And if you're an only child, what matters to you as a person? I think it's always something that we have to be honest to ourselves about. I hope you love eavesdropping here. You should start thinking about your synonyms. What are they? Perhaps you can share them with me through emailing your audio or a message about you, even via my social media. Thank you for listening to Human Thesaurus. Join me again next week for another episode. I'm your host, Wish Ronquillo Peacocke. Have a fantastic day and thanks for listening.
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Licensed Music: Ketsa
Transcript: Voicequill.com
