Epitome Anatomy: FRIENDSHIP
EPISODE SUMMARY:
"My friend’s story is their story. I should be there backing them up."
In a world full of fleeting connections, Wish reveals how embracing humility, pure presence, and non-judgment can transform your relationships into lifelong bonds. Listen to how midlife friendships mature into your true ride-or-die crew, built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect, and why the role as a friend is more about presence than perfection.
Reference from this episode:
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MAIN TOPICS:
00:00 The Essence of Friendship
09:54 Reflections on Personal Growth and Friendship
15:03 The Dynamics of Support and Understanding in Friendships
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Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (00:00.046)
There are oodles and oodles of subjects we can talk about the concept of friendships. It is essential to one's heart, soul, and mind. Others may say, tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are. Or a friend in need is a friend indeed, and so forth. This is a vast topic, so I'll share how I view my midlife friendships.
Welcome to Human Thesaurus Presents Epitome Anatomy. My name is Wish, a retired tech operator, indie author, cat mom, and self-aware life explorer.
Epitome Anatomy is an opinion piece on the power of words and their ethos that I extracted from this life. Ready for the epitome of friendship? Let's go!
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (01:07.82)
Our keyword is friendship. I'm referencing Wikipedia to provide a practically holistic definition of this word. Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an acquaintance or an association, such as a classmate, neighbour, co-worker, or colleague.
Although there are many forms of friendship, certain features are common to many such bonds, such as choosing to be with one another, enjoying time together, and being able to engage in positive, supportive roles for one another. The first known use of friendship dates to before the 12th century, the word, not the friendship itself.
It came from Old English fronskip, which means friendship, mutual liking and regard. Also conjugal love. Similar formations in Dutch Vrinska, German Freundschaf, and Swedish Frenskap. my gosh, I I I kinda enjoy that. Together, the word literally represents the state or condition of loving attachment.
While many languages base the word friend on concepts of companionship, the English lineage uniquely bases the word directly on love and personal affection. Wow.
I've been going on some friendship tours recently to catch up with a few old friends, especially a lot of us met somewhere in Asia and now has you know we've we've dispersed in many different countries, most especially around Europe. And I miss them and I always wonder how they're doing.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (03:14.732)
I'm saying friends, not really acquaintance, because you share some kind of affinity towards each other. You care about these people regardless. All of your lives evolved. You all grew up apart, not in a bad way. It's really about the distance. And at the same time, all of you have changed or if sorry, not changed, it's evolved in a way that.
A lot of us made families or really had different careers, had kids who are now mostly growing up. All of these different circumstances in life that made you not communicate better or lose touch pretty much. And that's fine because that is life. You know it this is the complexity of what I'm trying to reflect on right now.
Seeing and meeting my friends that I have not seen in years. One of them I have not seen in 15, 16 years. When I've met with them again, it feels like we just had dinner last week. I think this is one of those standards that we hear every time you say.
Or even you describe it for yourself, how good your friendship with someone is, or how good your relationship of a friend for someone is. It's about, as if there's no time that has lapsed between us. It really just goes to show the familiarity and the comfort of being friends with each other, regardless of the circumstances or mostly the time or the distance from each other.
And that is always I think a basic it's magically basic, but it's still magic, if you know what I mean. Coming back from this reflection, seeing them, hanging out with them, getting to know what's going on with their lives, you know, regardless if I talk to them every day or if I only talk to them scantly once in a while or every year or every
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (05:36.194)
Five years it doesn't matter. I always ask myself why be friends with me after all? I I I keep on repeating this all throughout the different seasons of my podcast, how much I've culled friends and I only keep the valuable ones that I think uplifts me, you know, uplifts my soul or inspire me, or even just the mutual respect that we have with each other.
But sometimes I just ask, why be friends with me? Am I a good friend at all? Because for me, there's no question, they're amazing people. I've chosen them. They're my chosen people already. How about me in return? Am I giving something to the table? Am I worthy of their friendship? If I am I worthy of their time. This is not coming from being insecure of who I am as a person. Definitely not.
It's more about me reviewing whether I am, you know, I culled people, I've I've chosen my people. How about me? Am I giving something back from their friendship? It's a humble question for me to enable myself to keep on improving as a human, as a as a human being, as a decent human being, more than anything else. It's nothing about
insecurity, it's not even self-deprecating. It's really like pulling yourself down. This is not about that at all. I'm at this point in life that I love to review different aspects of my life to keep on improving myself. I think this is coming all from the heartache that I've experienced through and through for 20 years of my life of of my adulthood.
It made me felt more positively humble to become and try to become a better person each day. Not Saint level. I'm still a grumpy old auntie. I still have my moments, which I embrace. I curse a lot. Again, I dig they curse. I keep on going further. I'm just realizing some things that made me turn the spotlight.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (08:00.394)
On me to keep my friendships, my relationships in a deeper level. Because at this point, I'm in my mid-40s. This is where I now experience my friendships as my rider dies. These are the people that I'll probably going to say goodbye to the day I die. So these are the people that would.
probably be with me as I keep on gracefully aging, I hope. You know, having more of these more mature experiences together. Our friendship has grown not just about us. It's now about everybody's children growing up and how you the extension of your love and respect for them goes out.
To their extension, which are their mini me's who are now growing up so fast. Yeah, this is this is really mind blowing how expansive now your love for your friends are. It's because if you're a good friend, you love who they love. And even if they have these people in their lives that they do not really gel with you, really, or these people are kind of grading.
Like so be it. I'm not gonna put up with it. You're my friend. But if you love this person and you're happy and I could see there's no violence or it doesn't destroy you as a human being, then so be it, right? yeah, okay. Then let's let's go to my next point, which will be I think one of the most humbling experiences for me is understanding then being in a friendship. It's not about me. It's about my friend. I will explain this further in a story.
I've also spoken about this in an interview format of Human Thesaurus with Lily. So Lily and I have been friends. We started being friends in our 20s, early 20s. Our life moved about always together. And then at some point in our friendship, we had a quite I think it's just really it's a quiet parting. We just
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (10:22.26)
moved on from each other, but at that time I felt betrayed. I really felt that she didn't trust me or she didn't know me enough that she was not comfortable enough to tell me what her choices during her crossroads are and I was the last to know. Throughout time I think she never gave up on me. She would always randomly send me postcards. She would
message me to ask me how I am or if she misses me. I was so heartbroken and offended in a way that I just really did not want to have to do anything with Lily. But one day I woke up this is after like what four or five years I woke up and I was going through a turmoil for myself and anger and
During that cycle of me trying to, it's like bookkeeping. I was bookkeeping my life and I suddenly realized something. As you heard my statement earlier, I, I, I, I felt this. I felt that. I made Lily's issue about me when it's never about me. She did what she had to do for her life for her sake. And that's good.
Because she's in a better place now and she's still improving and she's happy and she's fulfilling her dreams and all of these things. This is where I think one of the biggest lessons I will ever ever have in my life. And now understanding that in a friendship, my friend's story is their story. When I enter that story, I should be there backing them up. I should be there.
Backing my friend, listening to their story and their situation and all of their drama, whatever, turmoil, drama, success, happiness, anything positive, anything negative, but anything that embodies my friend. It's their story, and I'm there to be a spectator, you know, active listener and a spectator of their lives. And that should not be about me, it's about
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (12:45.206)
Them sharing their life with you. It's the same as you know being married. Okay, go back going back to the friendship. So, yes, so my point here is me. I think the biggest thing about me right now going through this friendship tours is me showing my friends that I could show up for them, cheering them on with their stories up and down.
Regardless and no judgment because they are my friend. It's not also just one way. I'm not carrying all of their burden. I'm there to listen. I'm there behind them, right behind them as a backup. But if they need my help, I'm gonna be there. If I need to punch someone, I'm gonna punch someone for them. Again, depending on the situation, their story will be my story because I'm their friend, I'm their bookkeeper.
I'm there, you know, I'm my friend's keeper. I will be there to feel with them, with their experience. It's a privilege for me to be trusted enough with their stories and their heartaches and their happiness and their joys, their successes and all of that. So this is how I view my friendships. This is how I am with my friendships nowadays.
I set aside my personal ego and pride of what I think about what's happening with them. Yes, I still feel angry for them, I still feel excited for them, all of that, but that's their story. I know now how to separate these two. And again, it took me quite some time to be in this position, to be this kind of friend, to be humbled down by life itself.
Nobody can really tell you how to become a good friend. I'm not gonna tell you how to become a good friend. I'm sharing with you how I came about, on what's my answer, on how to become a better friend. In the past few years, I just wanted to become a better friend. I cannot tell you how to become one. Just be the way you know how. You cannot try too hard. I think friendship as two-way, as a mutual admiration or a mutual love and respect is very important.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (15:03.616)
In the grand scheme of things, we all have different personalities, we all have different what traumas, baggages, heartaches, joys, successes. We all have different lives altogether. When we come to our friend group, to one friend or or your best friend or your BFF or anything of this sort of kinship, you bring something to the table, which is you.
the common theme that I could see from afar when it comes to friendship. It's all about safe space. When you go to that friend, you're not gonna be like, she may judge me. she's gonna get angry at me. like there's always something. It should be a safe space that they're comfortable enough to come to you to something embarrassing or something really threatening or something.
It has to be a safe space full of honesty, no judgment, and friendships grow. They turn a page all the time. Some friendships, right? They come and go because you're not in the same page or you have completely different lives and expectations, and they were just there for that time of your life. That's also amazing. You know, you appreciate those friendships where they were.
As they were at that time, but they were these long-lasting friendships or your ride or die where you constantly get to know them. And that's the exciting part because you're there during their evolution of their lives and they're also there for you seeing how much you
grown or even let's say it's just as simple as I have my mom friends and they keep on saying I'm so sorry I can't give you more time or I'm so sorry I have to bring my kids with me. There's always I'm so sorry and I always they're shut up. I'm here I'm present and you're the mother I've got the time I will be the one to adjust to you.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (17:11.658)
Because of the circumstance, and I'm sure they could have done the same way for me. That's the rewarding part. I am doing this friendship tour, or I am doing the best I could for my friends because I can at this point in time. Friendship should not be keeping score. It's not the score, it's the quality of your friendship. It's not about, I have to text them or I have.
To do this for them. No, it has to be it's a joy to text them. It's a joy to send them voice messages. It's a joy to give them your time. I will reiterate this: a safe space where honesty and no judgment and mutual respect is there. I'm happy to even express this here. My friends are so beautiful. My friends with
all of their imperfections, all of their shortcomings. They're beautiful on their own. I'm even sometimes uncomfortable when they praise me back. I don't really need validation, but when it's coming from them, how they see me is something very interesting. How they interpret me the way I am is
Quite refreshing. It's just a reflection. It's like a report card for me that probably I'm doing something right in this world. So, in the end, for my midlife review of my friendships, I cannot be everything for them, but all I could offer is that I could be there with them. So, how about you in the word of friendship and its meaning?
What have you been doing with your friendships? Please comment. I'd love to hear from you. I have a direct message via text or voicemail on top of my episode summary, so check it out. Until next time. Ciao!
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (19:27.502)
Comment, like, subscribe, and share wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also visit humanthesaurus.co. Epitome Anatomy is produced by me and Jeremiah Ronquillo. Music by Ketsa UK, all rights reserved by Wishblizz Media. Thank you, and see you in the next episode.
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