Epitome Anatomy: CHILDLESS (IVF Pt 1)
EPISODE SUMMARY:
"It's okay to have a goal and then you change your mind."
In this heartfelt episode, host Wish Peacocke delves into the complex and often misunderstood concept of being childless. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, Wish shares her journey through IVF, the societal perceptions of childlessness, and the profound realisations that come with embracing a life without children. Join us as we explore the redefinition of childlessness, not as a negative label, but as an unsuspecting and fulfilling path.
Listen to the Episode
MAIN TOPICS:
00:00 Introduction to the IVF Journey
02:37 The Decision to Share My Story
04:02 Reflections on Childlessness
10:04 Changing Perspectives on Parenthood
12:26 Conclusion and Future Insights
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Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (00:00.14)
A very good friend suggested that I write about my IVF experience. At that moment, I was not sure whether I'm able to express myself by doing that. I think it will be a book, but really, there's something in me that I don't want to talk about it at that time. It was quite challenging because you can't wrap your head around the entire experience.
It is mostly positive for me and it was alright. But now I am here, let's talk about it. Welcome to Human Thesaurus Presents Epitome Anatomy. My name is Wish and I talk about something, somehow, to dissect a word
relevant from my life to yours. Ready for the epitome of childless? Let's go!
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (01:06.354)
Our keyword is childless. It is an adjective which means without children. Anywhere you look, that's the meaning. The earliest known use of the adjective childless is in the Middle English period from 1150 to 1500.
The Oxford English Dictionary's earliest evidence for the word childless dates back to around 1175 in the Ormulum, a 12th-century sacred book.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (01:50.54)
Before we explore my IVF experience, I would like to give you a background. Something that led me to go towards that journey. Not just me, also my husband. But I'll try to keep him out of my narrative experience because I would like to respect his privacy. It's important to me that he's got his own call when it comes to talking about
very personal things such as this. Why am I sharing my story now? It's only because I was encouraged by a lot of women. Women who went with this with me, who supported me without any judgment, even though some of them never really understood what I'm doing. They were there just cheering me on. You know, I think I owe it to women too.
At first, I was really hesitant to tell my story because like what I mentioned earlier, it's a little bit more positive than negative, especially for our keyword childless. It sounds quite negative, isn't it? But it's not really that for me. So yes, we're going to talk about the background about it. So it's really taking me some time to gather my thoughts because
We just finished trying after four and a half years last April and I needed some time not even to focus and decipher what I must feel or what I must think about not being able to have any fruitful experience from our IVF. I just can't wrap my head around where to go from there, you know, after four and a half years. So.
I'm just giving myself some grace of everything that I've done. I think ultimately I should be proud for even trying. Now that we're here, I'm going to dissect this story in parts. So let's probably start from the beginning. The question probably in a lot of people's mind is why not have kids before 40? We started this journey at the age of 40. Yes, at 40.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (04:10.872)
But even before that, I will tell you a story why. It may not have any scientific or logical explanation to it, but this was something that made sense to me at that time. I never wanted to have children to begin with. When I was growing up, we grew up with a large family and I'm normally one of the youngest and the most petite one and...
I also had younger sisters and younger cousins. I never really thought about it. I remember that sometimes my mom would go for shopping and she would leave my brother who's 17 years younger than me and my niece who's 18 years younger than me. I babysit them. But when my mom comes back after two hours, three hours, she would come back home to a chaos because I'm already fighting with my wife.
with my young with young toddlers and my mom would say, my gosh, I don't think you're able to have children. You're also you're also very much acting like a child. By that time I was what 18 to 21 and I was like, damn straight. I won't. So it's just really something that I never really thought about. Also coming from my sister's experiences having earlier
earlier pregnancies for them. was like, hell no, I don't want that. I'm very ambitious and I wanted to prove a lot of things to myself. So I focused on life. I focused on learning, pushing the limits about myself and I don't want to bring any more children into it. And my decision was justified because our mom passed away when I was 27 and my brother was 10.
Even though we have sisters, I took him under my wing, even my father. So from then on, or even before that, I'm always watching after my brother. And since he's so younger than me, it's easier for me not to even think of having kids in the future. From then on, I was just focused on my brother, and that's more than enough for me. And I never really thought about it. In my mind, it wasn't a big deal whether I'm going to create a family or not.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (06:36.206)
I just wanted to contribute to the society the way I know how, which was in innovations. And that was my purpose at that time. And then came when I was 38. This is the funny thing. Maybe it's funny now. I don't know. You know, nobody can ever convince me. A lot of people are trying to convince me. There's this one beautiful wisdom from a young mom telling me that whatever you're waiting for would not happen because
No matter how much you prepare to have a child, you wouldn't know until the child is there. I was like, whoa, and she's right. So I still remember that. That was around, let's say 25 years ago when someone said that to me. A lot of people are trying to convince me having children. like they are trying to justify it to me and I don't understand why they need to justify it to me. I enjoy children and I'm able to give them back.
And they're like, it's better if it's yours. You wouldn't even know that kind of love. Yes, I would understand that they probably would never have that kind of love until I remember that I traveled back to Manila. I was in a cab and then the cab driver was talking to me. Hey, are you, where did you come from? Why did you get home?
And do you have children? And I said, no, we don't have children. I only have a partner who's been with me for a long time. He's like, why not? It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I'll say, okay, good for you. And I'm not, when people talk about this with good intentions, I don't really, I'm not the type that.
will roll my eyes or make a negative feeling towards them. It's not like I respect that. It's just that I understand that that facet of life for them is something positive and they're trying to influence me for it. But at the end of the day, they're not feeding me. So it's okay. I will indulge them to tell me about their life experiences too. Like what I'm doing right now, right? So it's just wonderful to learn from other people about their passion, et cetera.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (08:48.152)
So this driver, this cab driver is nothing different. So he was telling me about adopting a child from his niece. And he said, it's the most amazing thing he's ever done in his life. And he kept on going on and on about how wonderful it was for him to become a father for the second time. And he said, I don't even have much. I'm driving. I'm only a taxi driver.
but it's so worthwhile for me to take care of that child. And you're so young, probably should do it too because it's one of the best gifts you will ever have in your life. And I was like, wow, okay, that's amazing. Like I gave him a tip because he's a wonderful dad. And I told him, you sound like a wonderful dad and that's phenomenal. I'm so happy for you.
and please good luck and I hope that that child knows how much that child is loved. So I left it at that. But that conversation is just like every other conversation I've ever had with other friends who's convincing me to have children. But this one affected me differently. It lingered on me for days and days and days. I was like, what the hell happened to me? And then it...
bugged me for a long time. I went back to Sydney, I lived in Sydney at that time, and it was just bothering me. It's like, why can't I have that kind of experience? That different happiness of having a child, whatever that may be, whatever that definition may be. This person, this cab driver affected me when everybody else is saying the same thing to me.
And then all of a sudden, I spoke with my now husband and told him about that experience. And in the end, I told him I want us to try. And he was shocked because at that time, he was also thinking, baby, it's the right time for us. And that was the beginning of this journey. He was surprised that I changed my mind. I was surprised too. But I think I've gone through life, I've gone through hell and back to know that
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (11:12.33)
any of the things that we would say never for, sometimes we just change our minds and it's okay. It's okay to have a goal and then you change your mind. That's life. So it was just a wonder for me how I changed my mind with just encountering one person who may have said something like what everybody is saying, but ever so lovingly and pure.
And maybe he's an angel if you believe in those celestial beings. So yes, that's how everything got started. After that, after 10 and a half years of being together, we got married too, because we would like for us, this is the only conservative thing in our relationship between me and my husband to have a child inside a marriage. And because we do respect
the loving ways of our parents. So this is our tribute for them. Hence we got married after 10 and a half years. And then pandemic came. So we have to hold up a little bit. And we started our journey when I turned 40, when things are okay for me to start doing medicals, et cetera, and having counseling, et cetera, which I'm going to talk about on my next episode. So I'll end this one here.
There are way more things to share with you about this journey. So far, what's your view when you hear the word childless? I think it's a little bit demonized and it seems like it's a negative word. But when you experience or when you are living being childless, it's a completely different meaning. It's nothing demeaning. It's just a word. It's just a definition of something like everything else. I'll end it here. Until next time. Ciao.
Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (13:17.496)
Human Thesaurus Podcast is produced by me and my brother, Jeremiah Ronquillo. All rights reserved via Wishblizz Media.
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